On sadness and hard times

 All of us have faced some hard times at some point. Someone more literally capable and/or probably a little bit pretentious would say, sadness defines our beings by contrasting what we are at our best and brightest. While true, it's a little bit eloquent and as a practical person, I'll settle with the more tactile form:

We learn from our fuck-ups.

 I broke up recently. I broke up with the most magnificent person I have ever met. Understandably, I'm a little upset about that, and for the better part of the week I basically lied on the floor hugging my plushie bear, until I perceived that the floor was dirty, and realized I should do something about that(a few days had passed at this point). So I did something about that, and cleaned my room, and by the end of the week I had thrown out five garbage bags worth of useless stuff I had held on to for some reason.

But I digress.

 Well, not exactly, as the manual labor is a key-part of keeping my mind clear and capable of rational thought. On the other hand, I know that disregarding the problem only ever made it worse, so it's a two-edged blade. But having my mind shifted from emotion to logic, I condensed the reasons that leaded my life away from all things shiny, happy and syrup-flavored: "Why?" and "What did I do wrong?". Of course things are never this simple, but I had to start somewhere.

 "Why?" is always the most important question. "What?", "Who? "When? "and "Where?" are just window dressing. In this case, "why?" has at least five different answers that all tie together, but the answer I found consoling came from a conversation I had with her early on our relationship, and it makes perfect sense to me. For herself, she did the best decision. And I can't really disagree with her on that. And I instantly felt better about the whole thing. It doesn't really answer the "why?", so I can't claim it's anyhow a credible answer, I can't say that's why our relationship ended, it makes no sense in that context. Regardless, it eased my mind.

 The second question is more a question to myself, not truly a part of the problem, but still relevant for myself as a person and a character. To approach the question I asked myself questions in turn. What did I miss? Where did I go wrong? How to carry on from now? And Most importantly; What did I learn?

 Asking those, I realized that only now did I really start learning. Without the sadness and anguish I felt because of what happened I wouldn't have asked these questions from myself. Not on this subject, at least. Relationships don't really have a "good ending", so to speak. I needed those feelings to find out new things about myself. While that may sound self-evident, It's really not. Most people fear failure, sometimes so much that they might not even want to try doing whatever they're planning.

 So I failed. And I fucked up. And while it's always a horrible, horrible feeling to have something so important to you and hopefully someone else crumble down and disintegrate, this moment does not define who I am. Clearly I did something wrong, and I might have lost a friend. But from now on, I could decide not to be that person who made the choices that lead me here.  Rilke has a great quote that's relevant to my thoughts;
 "And that is why it is so important to be solitary and attentive when on is sad: because the seemingly uneventful and motionless moment when our future steps into us is so much closer to life than that other loud and accidental point of time when it happens to us as if from outside".

I discussed the feelings I had with my father, and
after a moment of silence, he matter-of-factly said;
"That's called growing up".

I like his answer.

It's been a while (Part "I-don't-even-remember-when-I-made-my-last-post")

...And the excuse is not the usual "There's nothing that has happened in my life worth noting". Which is surprising, knowing me.

The past six months have been somewhat of a rollercoaster, considering how boring I usually make my life appear. Since I can't figure a place to start, beginning seems like the logical choice. Since I can't remember the beginning, I'll pick up where my memory left itself.

In the long lost past this blog filled itself mostly with angsty posts about how life sucks and whatnot, but I've been happier than I usually am this year. I've been travelling a lot, I have spent approximately eight days in trains or cars, of which 27 hours waiting at train stations. The number seems big, but considering that just about on every trip back home I've had to wait two hours for a train change. I am still not entirely sure do I love or hate train travelling, but at least I have learned to sleep in trains*.

 In April, my body from below my waist broke into a bank:

You can see the edge of the hole I made in the foreground where the snow is disturbed.

I was shoveling snow down from the roof of a local bank and nobody had it in their mind to inform the guy shoveling the snow from the roof that there was a balcony skylight. Naturally covered by snow so I had no idea what hit me when gravity decided to remind about it's existence. If anything good came out of the ordeal, I took some cool photos from the roof:

In May I graduated from artschool. My diploma piece was pretty handy:

I got full points for it!


Somewhere in there (precisely 12.-18.) I was watching a bunch of sixthgraders on their fieldtrip and on the way we stopped at a non-distinctive gas station in mid-Finland where I met Rime, whom I met in February. I'd been trying for a few months at that point to convince her that I was worth dating, to no avail. Here was a girl who happened to be a geek, con-dweller, an IB-student and my age. She also has a wicked sense of humour and happened to be damn good-looking. Clearly mine was a lost cause.

 The fieldtrip turned up being a very rewarding trip. Going there I was a single guy without a care in the world. On the way home I was officially a guy with a girlfriend. She's hot too, so I win:

You're allowed to be jealous.



Then came summer, and I propped my window open with a katana:






















 By mid-July I had visited her a couple times in Jyväskylä. I'd never really been to Jyväskylä before, but by now I'm beginning to like the place.

I have been working for all of summer. All in this case meas short of the cumulative two weeks that I spent in cons or otherwise away from home, but that was spreadt all across the summer. All also contains weekends because mine was literally a shit job. Luckily for me, shit jobs and shitty hours pay relatively well even for a student or a summer worker, and I was able to make it to some cons I have been wanting to go to for a figurative eternity. Unfortunately I hemorrhage cash pretty fast, so almost all the money I made was spent during the summer, but I call it worth it.

At this point** the ice cubes in my drink had melted so I got more.

 I've been removed from my natural habitat(the workshop) for nearly three months now, and that takes it's toll. I have approx. a googoplex of ideas and things I want to make, but haven't been able to. The unwillingly freed time was utilized mostly by catering an another expensive hobby, video games. Late July I invested in a PS3 and haven't regretted, for I got it really cheap(120€!). The PS3 yielded the required presets to find out whether video games and cuddling work as well together as I had given the impression of. Turns out they do.

In August I started the fourth (or the "½" in "3½") year in upper secondary, and unlike I hoped, it didn't change anything much (if not taking care of the extra time I had prior used for sleeping). Ever since I've mostly been sitting here in front of my computer because I have so little school, yet am still a student and hence can't work full days without losing all monetary support I get as one. Luckily I'm off south again soon, otherwise I'd probably lose my mind even further.


*Even if for precisely 72 minutes at a time.
**Of writing, not the summer.

Looper

The first time I heard from Looper, it was when I saw pictures of the iconic weapon of the movie, the blunderbuss. I fell in love with the aesthetics of the prop, and decided to check the movie out sometime, and it kinda fell off to the pile of things I should do at some time.
Today, I decided to watch it, and boy, did I like it. It was awesome. Of course it did have it's little quirks that bothered me a bit, but I was able to ignore them(A thing I am rarely capable of).

  Looper is situated in the near-future, where time travel is not yet invented, but soon it will, and it would be outlawed almost instantly. Mobs utilize time travelling by sending people they want dead into the past, because in the present it's supposedly next to impossible to dispose of a body. The story is set around Joe, who is a Looper, ie. a guy who kills people sent from the future. They are called Loopers, because when the cops in the future get too close to sniffing out the mobs' operation, the mobs will send the old looper from the future to be killed by the young looper, to "close the loop". As a compensation, Lopers are extremely well paid, but I think anyone can already see where this movie's plot is going. Which is surprisingly not a bad thing.

  I love how the time travel effects are not told, but shown, sometimes very graphicly, with a person literally losing limbs as his young version is being mutilated. The movie also brings out a new view about the moral questions concerning time travel, and made me look at it from a whole new angle.

  The first thing that bugs me about the movie is the way it starts. There's a short opening scene(nothing wrong with that) followed by monologue. There's pretty much nothing that separates the viewer from the movie better than monologue. Although I do admit that the movie's premise wouldn't have worked without the monologuing, so it's more or less a lesser evil. Things flow logically, with the "Old Joe" knowing things, well, because he's old, and the dynamics of the old and young Joe work very believeably. Both the old and young Joe moved and behaved in similar fashion, the young Joe even has Bruce Willis' (old Joe) grin!
  The plot, although overall good, did have a few almost Chekov's gun characters, like the stripper girl with her son. Giving her a name and a story was redundant in my opinion, and only served in confusing the viewer(me), as I initially though that Sara was the working girl.

  The story was pretty straightforward with almost nothing surprising about it. What surprises me most is th love story it's not, and how there's no definitive main character or villain, actually. The plot plays very nicely with the time travel elemnt, and for once I can actually say that they got it right. The continuity is there. The biggest story-wise question for me is the "TK-powers", which are not explained it at all, just handwaved along. There could have been so much potential to toy with with it. There's basically nothing explained about the future, or "The rainmaker", which leaves holes in the timeline.(Possibility for a sequel? Although I don't see this movie as a series, not sure if I would want a sequel)

  In short, Looper was a good action movie, which I can recommend, ad I propably will watch again some day. And I definitely will be building myself that blunderbuss. I want it.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

I'll just blurt it out right here; I can't speak bad of this movie. This is the exact kind of an adventure/action movie I like. Myth&fact mixed in _JUST_ the exact amount. I have warned you, it's going to be a positive ride.

 Now, to properely start, I was anticipating this movie for a long time, and then it passed me before I even realized. For a long time, I completely forgot about it's existence, until a fateful RPG session via Skype, and the ~10 minutes of greetings in the beginning. Fast forward two weeks, and it's watched and loved.

 I'll begin by telling some crazy shit about Abramah Lincoln right here (the real person, but spoilers will follow in an case). Among other things, the Axe-gun is real. Yep. It's a thing. It currently resides in the US presidential archives, with, among others, a hardwood stake with a silver tip, and long correspondency of battle tactics and techniques with Henry Sturges. Also, the historical Abe was known to be an expert with his axe, capable of downing timber faster than anyone else (it was said that he worked as if there were three men working in his stead). So, if you consider is acrobatics unrealistic, you'd be wrong.

 I could end this here and just say that it was awesome. go buy and/or download it, but I guess my pride forces me to tell why it was awesome.

1. Because Abraham Lincoln.
Seriously, reason enough, the man was so damn cool. But, I think he was perfectly cast, perfectly acted, Benjamin Walker really nails the unique speaking Lincoln has said to have had. And looks.

2. Because HISTORICAL ACCURACY IN A (PULP?) MONSTER MOVIE!
This movie had so many things right where it could have gone wrong, that I don't feel like listing the wrongs (Even though this movie bases itself on the fact that Abe's life was rather shady at some parts). Only thing that I feel like pointing out is that there weren't enough references about how tall he was. Fair enough, it was referred to, even in somewhat comical/sweet manner, but IRL, Lincoln was a frigging giant(6,4').

3. Because vampires are always cool.
(For the record, there's no vampires in Twilight for me, just (gay) emo kids. With mental problems.)
Lately, vampires have been having a renaissance, mostly for the bad, but thank gods, popular culture is recovering. We need to see more of this.

4. They got the looks right
I found nothing to complain about how this movie portrayed the early-mid 1800's. The overall composition of places, which buildings were there and which weren't, clothing, equipment, architecture, all right. For once. Yay.

5. Nice-looking CG.
For most part, it was indistinquishable. At least I didn't pay attention to it, save from in the horse chase scene, where it was admittably a little too much. But the battle scenes, vampires turning invisible and back visible again, looking sweet.

In short, this movie avoided so many mistakes that movies like this usually have,that I just can't not like it. I I would have to compare it to a similar movie, it would be Van Helsing. except with more historical accuracy, which is always good.

Hear me? Go watch it! Do it! Away ith you already!

2012 in quotes.

Quotes I've collected along the past year.

-You can still retaliate by bombng until it's an abstract glasswork glowing in the dark
-"What's going on in there?
I'm drinking progressively more rum"
-"...And what the HELL is Nathan Fillion doing in this movie?!"
-Maybe you can't count but there's four of us.
So go get more and it'll be an even fight.
-I'm sorry, I only speak in movie trailer quotes.
-Paras ratkaisu tähän tilanteeseen on fyysisen väkivallan käyttö.
-Pelkään vain että provosoiva persoonani sytyttäisi maailman tuleen, mutta koetan hillitä itseni.
-The barracks are fairly comfortable , and there's wireless internet available. Just don't harass the roaches. THey live here, we're guests, and they outnumber us all.
-If toiletpaper was made of nails, there'd be a lot more assholes.
-In the future, if you need any support at all, please don't hesitate to look elsewhere.
-Really, we're building a lane while we fly it.
-We're trying to sort out a common definition of problem. So far we've only managed to agree that there is a problem.
-I'll be go to hell..
-Real greatness is what yu do with the hand you've been dealt.
-For all they take, a sword shall perish by the sword.
-So what do you believe in? I believe in ammunition.
-That's ugly enough t remember.
-Want me to gag him?
Why, am I starting to make sense?
-I am the hammer, the right hand of The Emperor, the instrument of his will, the gauntlet about his fist, the tip of his spear, The edge of his sword.
-Spirit of noxious Immateria, begone from hence! For The Emperor of manking, manifold be his blessings, watches over me, so that I shall not fear the Shadow of the Warp.
-War is not about glory, War is about victory!
-Whilt we stand, we fight. And whilst we fight, we will prevail. Nothing shall stay our wrath.
-Cuz I'm off at 8 and hammered by 0805.
-How are the drinks here?
Great, if you like rat piss.
Never tried it.
-It's the FBI, they're dumb, not deaf.
-You already brok y heart, is it neccessary to shoot it too?
-A wise man always greets strangers with respect, for he might be looking into the eye of an enemy.
-When in doubt, advance.
-It's painless
It's pointless.
-I'm sure that's one of god's tricks. But getting out of places no-one else can, that's one of mine.
-If you're here to test my loyalty, you've only managed to test my patience.
-The toughest assignment is always the next one.
-Is there a name for what's wrong wth you?
Yeah, the script.
-Niin kovin helpostin ihminen kadottaa elämältään tarkoituksen.
-El cadalso.
-Terrain is said to be moderately contoured with moisture, which I think is Tactical's way of saying precipices with waterfalls.
-I thought you were dead.
I get that a lot.
-I'm not the mechanic, I mostly just hurt people!
-It's like trying to talk to a brick wall that also hates you.
-Grom.
-Some call it faith, I call it hopeful ignorance.
-Power is simply ower, it's neither good or bad, it just is.
-Nothing worth knowing can be taught.
-Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do!
-Minua ei tarvi lepytellä, minä olen kevyesti humalassa.
-You don't have to understand the dark. That's the thing about it; it doesn't need to be understood. It's just the dark. It's what it is.
-It's better to be a part of the few than a part of the most.
-Neutrality doesn't mean nonchalancy and heartlessness. Emotions shouldn't be killed. It's enough if you kill the hatred in yourself.
-Well, I'm lost, I'm angry, and armed. So you mind telling me what' going on?
-a man's reach should exceed his grasp.
-Dotrine is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
-If the corps wanted you to have a wife, they'd issued you one.
-I carry a gun because a police officer is too heavy.
-Watch your back, conserve your ammo, and don't deal with dragons.
-Ihmisen ei ole hyvä olla yksin. Mutta parempi.
-Paha saa enemmän palkkaa.
-Was nich ist, kann noch werden.
-A vow of obediency is not the same as a vow of stupidity.
-Faith means nothing if it's nonexistent.
-When you have sympathy for your enemies, you have the wrong kind of friends.
-I made a book out of your friends, and you didn't listen. I'll return when I have made a library.
-Mitä väliä on millä se matti 50v ampuu jos joku desantti eksyy kurikan vesilaitokselle
-I'm not a sword, I only hold the sword. There's a big difference.
-Ei se oo suklaata jos kysytään verottajalta.
-Every problem on earth can be solved with a precise application of high explosives.
-You seem to have a habit of missing the point.
-We've found the enemy and it's us.
-That's a short conversation. I think it might be over already.
-Seuraavaksi tapahtuu seuraavaa seuraavassa järjestyksessä seuraavalla tavalla.
-Ei kannata uskoa mitä varusmiehet teille kertoo. 90% mitä varusmiehet puhuu on täyttä paskaa. Eli jos joku sanoo sata sanaa, niin voitte heti karsia 90 pois, ja loput onkin sitten vaan vittuja.
-Mitä nopeammin, sitä nopeammin.
-Hetkinen perkele, nyt ei täsmää.
-Kovat jätkät osaa moduloida 56k modeemia pelkällä suulla.
-Mä vaan pyörin sängyssä kuin Darwin haudassaan Christian science museumin avajaisissa.
-Irritant, yes I am. Oh you mean the product.
-This is exactly the kind of problem that can be solved with a baseball bat.
-A slightly tragic medical condition.
-VOLLGAS GEBEN
-When push comes to shove, you have to do what you love, even if it's not a good idea.
-Reality's not what it used to be.
-Tyhmä saa olla mutta ei ballistamies.
-On a scale from dull to scintillating, you're positively tedious.
-...passed the controversial "Fuck it" initiative.
-It's practically a cliche.
-Hessu onko sulla aivokasvain.
-I'm sure you'd desert your post and hare off to save ANY amazon.
Ain't deserting, sir. Got permission.
-I have to get to the bottom of this hole-
Nothing simpler!
And live.
Ah, tricky!
-Will you shoot or will you let me in?
I'll shoot you in.
-Vitun alabama.
-...aand it's not working.
Plan B.
Do you have a plan B?
Absolutely not.
-Terror-it's hilarious.
-Was that a joke?
An insult, I think.
-Truth, like surgery, hurts, but cures.
-You're a detective now, son. You're not allowed to believe in coincidence.
-...Believe me, it's plenty fucking bad.
-Here I am as I will myself to be.

About rivalry (sibling-or otherwise)

Today we played boardgames("we" consisting of me, my brother and a bunch of our friends). Games tend to create rivalry, especially so if they involve "politics"(game elements that consist of scheming behind other's backs, plotting with players, I call politics in games)

 Our gaming pinnacled in the Game of Thrones boardgame. I played Lannister(kinda funny since I have blonde, long hair), and my brother played Greyjoy. Anyone who knows anything about the geography in the 'verse knows that the Pyke(Greyjoys's stronghold) is pretty much next to Lannisport(Lannisters' stronghold), so it was pretty obvious of my brother to try conquer Riverrun(the province just below his), and also for me to keep him from doing it. Needless to say I positioned my troops so, that under any circumistances the bottleneck would hold(which it did). My brother kept coming at me for over half of the game, and I managed to keep him at bay. I didn't win the game, but was pleased with accomplishing the task I silently promised myself to do(keeping Riverrun). My brother's an other case, though. He got very hostile towards the end of the game towards me, to the extent in which he claimed that it was him who succeeded in the task he'd given himself in "trolling" me keeping me busy so that I couldn't win the game, while the way I see it is that I kept him from gaining dominance over the bottleneck he needed to advance lower (why he opted against going north, I don't know). In the end of the game he just tossed his troops at me with no chances to win, even though he could've used those troops to conquer areas up north and strive towards winning the game (I would have strived to keep Riverrun regardless).

 Why some people get riled over things likethis, I don't know. For me, games aren't that serious, not a thing to get mad over. Though I admit that I tend to smile at my victory/superiority, but that's not completely up to me(we were all new to the game and didn't utilize certain assets as well as we could, and I by any means aren't that great strategic mind). But I see nothing wrong to be proud about my own success, even if it's only a game.

Though it's easy to smile as the "winner".

Skyfall

(yes, it's one lame headline, I know. Disregarding that....)


I watched James Bond: Skyfall tonight. It was awesome. I totally can recommend it. The movie is a complete contradiction to the classic Bond-franchise, yet it still keeps the essentials to make it feel like a Bond movie. The way it makes itself appear feels like a beginning, which it obviously was(a reboot at that), yet, the movie series could have well ended here, and I would have been happy with it.

 The movie is actually more about M than Bond. Or rather, it defines bond with M's character in a way that hasn't been done before in the franchise with any character(sans Bond's parents, who are never really addressed in the series). In the latest editions of the movie(beginning with Goldeneye), M's been a mother-character for Bond, unwillingly or otherwise, never specified(though evidence suggests unwilling-option). We see more of Bond behind the agent, behind the façade we've seen in the previous movie.

 The Craig-Bond has been overall more grim and rough character. I'm guessing it's more or less in fashion nowadays, as opposed by the charming dandy lady-killer we have been accustomed to see. It's working better, at least for me, I find such character easier to relate to.

But I digress.

(spoilers to follow)

The movie fires up with a traditional action scene in Istanbul, where the camera work is great. Just marvelous to look at, dynamic and smooth as fuck. Lighting was also stellar, action well-coordinated, and fun to follow. If I must find something to nitpick about, it'll be, again, the unbelievably long chase sequence, which, on the other hand, illustrates the superhuman ability of Bond as an agent. Bond's after a laptop, or it's hard-drive that contains all the names of MI6 undercover agents on the field. As we've seen from the trailers, Bond gets shot, by an unexpected assailant(I'll return to this later). He then spends the downtime doing the obvious thing everyone'd think to do when they get shot: get wasted and play drinking games that involve scorpions, upping his badassery by at least a 2.

 He's distracted from destroying all his braincells by a piece of news telling that the MI6 HQ, more precisely the M's office, has been blown up. Obviously he returns to work, otherwise we wouldn't have a movie. The new MI6 headquarters are introduced in the London sewers(we're seeing awful lot of these lately in film and TV, not that I complain), where he completely botches the tests that define if he's suitable for fieldwork anymore. Big shocker, he isn't, yet M decides he is and sends him off to catch the fellow who got him shot. )also he digs shrapnel of a depleted uranium round from his shoulder, where he was shot[with a Glock, no less]. Anyone who knows anything about firearms knows that DU-rounds require a long barrel and a powerful round to propel them at speeds where they would be of any use. Although the Glock was cool.)
  Also introduced is the new Q, who is, geeky and kinda uke. I can almost hear the slashfics being written, this ships itself. He gives Bond his tickets to China and a handprint PPK-plot device.

 Bond is off to Hong Kong, where he finds his shooter and drops him off a scyscraper. Conveniently he finds his way through a cash chip to a casino where Komodo dragons are kept as pets(how cool is that!). He cashes it in, finds a Bond-girl-to-be(more on that later), fights some guys, uses the PPK handprint-plotdevice to kill accidentally a guy with a Komodo, and runs away and bangs the girl.

 In the morning, the ship tehy are is indested with a serious case of henchmen, and they approach the Battleship-island(it's obviously Gunkanjima), where Bond is held captive by the bad guy from No Country for Old Men, who here is a gay-ish blonde who hates M.They collaborately shoot the Bond-girl-to-be with flintlocks and Bond kills all the henchmen, calls in the cavalry and captures the villain.

 Like asshats they take him to the MI6 HQ to be questioned, which OF FUCKING COURSE is a part of his plan, and he runs away while Bond and his new geek-bedwarmer try to hack into his laptop, and trigger the bad guy's plans while doing so. Bond chases him, fails to catch him but saves M in the frenzy, then kidnaps her and they are off to Skyfall lodge, Bond's ancestral home. Not before switching their lowsy modern sportscar into an Aston Martin DB5, with all the traditional Bond-gadgets! How cool is that. Bond also threatens to eject M from the car.

 The happy campers reach Skyfall, and arm themselves with a shotgun, Bond's PPK and a fabulous side-by-side hunting rifle, claimed to be Bond's father's old hunting rifle. In an armiong montage they boobytrap the house, find dynamite and kick ass before the bad guys chasing arrive. When they do, the baddie sends his henchmen in to be killed, and then comes with an attack helicopter to assist. Why lead with the henchmen, I don't know. The gunship is also rigged with Apocalypse Now-esque loudspeakers that paly an undefined song. They trigger all boobytraps, use all montage-introduced plot devices, and end with Bond killing the bad guy, and M dying from a wound she got during the fighting. Skyfall lodge is destroyed.

 In a closing scene, the girl from the beginning of the movie gives Bond a pitbull-statue that was on M's table in the movie. The girl is revealed to be Moneypenny, and the new M is a man who was against the earlier M, at least apparently earlier in the film. We are given to understand that the series has rebooted. I do not complain.

(also as a sidenote: I only now realized that I could read the entire plot from the animated opening sequence in any Bond-film, if I only look into the implications and metaphors in the sequence. Fun.)

To wrap up with: Good movie, good Bond-movie, entertaining and worth the ticket. Go watch.

Pro's:
-Bond kicks ass
-Craig-Bond is made more traditional Bond again
-Cool production desing(overall)
-Brilliant camerawork
-Mostly good lighting

Con's:
-Few unused traditional Bond-elements(gambling, for example).
-Illogical lines for anyone who knows anything about the respective matters at hand
-Near-blinding lights and contrast in the epic showdown sequence.



I'm looking forward to seeing more Bond.