I like icecream. Just the weird thing is that I don't eat icecream when most people do(in the summer when it's hottest). For some reason, I like eating icecream in the autumn, when evenings are getting dark and it's cooler. If it's dark, it's a plus.
Now that I'm here writing, I might as well go through last weekend&Tracon.
On friday evening at approximately 2050 I boarded the train that would take me&other folks from around here to Tampere. The rip was pretty cozy, I was accompanied by a plethora of people from my upper secondary's art line(year younger than me's). The jolly surprise was that Ansku, a friend of mine from years' back was travelling with us on the same train, same car, and on the seat next to me. Now I'm not a religious man that much, but someone rolled a crit there. Apart from not sleeping in practice at all, the trip was ok. (I was fighting with myself about hugging Ansku for thewhole trip because she looked so miserable when she was constantly woken as the train stopped and continued and from the annoying announcements.)
On saturday morning we embarked from the train, and spent the couple morning hours sitting and waiting at the trainstation, with couple of us still sewing their costumes together. With a quick swap to my robes, I was set for the oncoming con pretty quick. Me&Ansku set for the consite four hours before the rest, as they stayed behind to finish their costumes.
I and Ansku spent the morning pretty much walking about at the consite, talking, taking photos and such. This was somewhat of a new experience to me, as I usually wander in cons by myself, but it was nice to have company for once. I met with couple of old friends during that time too, and too k some gorgeous photos of Ansku, even if I say so myself. I had forgotten my own camera's card back home, so I was using friend's Canon EOS. Now I loathe Canon's, but a must is a must. And I learnt to appreciate the almost instant shuttertime compared to the ~second's delay on my Fujifilm. I still love that old wreck, though =3
Around midday, when the rest of the group had hobbled to the site, we went to eat. At first we were pondering where to go, but in the end we opted for the pizza place at the trainstation(I see a pattern here...). It's a good place, it was prolly the third or so time I was there, and the food was as good as it had been the times prior. Sadly some time after our returnto the con I got separated from the rest of th group and hardly saw them for the rest of the time. Greatest regret of the day was not being able to see Ansku off, as she had to leave on the saturday afternoon.
Most of the afternoon&evening on saturday I spent sitting in a corner for reasons not discussable. It was pretty stupid and my behaviour was dickish toward certain someone, but I hope she can fogive me one day.(Not that I deserve it) Once I was back on my feet I did my best to make up for the time lost. I also met someone I hadn't seen in too long time.
Around midnight people started to disembark to their respective housings for the night. As it had formed as a tradition to me, I opted to remain at the consite and struggle awake for the night. It was pain, and stupid over all, but I managed with the help of a great friend who played "Remove Kebab" from his Galaxy tab. During the night we also had he bright idea of retrieving food from a McDonalds in the city center. Now I admit, goiung into a fast food joint during sat-sun night, dressed as a monl with a sword on his back ain't the sharpest thing to do. I expected to be stabbed or something, but I was hit on by a drunk woman instead. I also received countless "samurai" and "Aragorn" shouts during my eating time in that sorry excuse of a restaurant. But the real adventure of this trip began only after we stated our return to the safety of the consite. As I exited, I received one more shout about my sword from a drunk person, and I shrugged it off just like any other. What I didn't, was the feeling and sound of my sword pulled from it's scabbard. After a brief bedlam I was able to reclaim my weapon, and I set for the consite again with my friend. One more adventure down more or less safe and sound.
Sunday began as saturday did, just mindlessly wandering about the con-area at first. I and my friend were able to steal a couple of hours of sleep on the consite's second floor, as the security was too busy patrolling the 1st floor. After that we stumbled upon a nice media student from the capital, whom with we discussed various topics for an hour or so. I also apparently saved a russian's life during that morning, am not certain. Or I'm looking forwards to a hell of a phone bill sometime soon.
I had my panel about propmaking at 1200, which went reasonably well considering that I had slept maybe three hours in three days time. that's about 70h of being awake. After the panel. rest of the day went again with wandering the site, and playing a post-apocalyptic RPG with a couple friends. I also watched a lecture about cults, and made a magnificent exit there.
At the end of the day, it went like it usually does; saying goodbyes and hugging people nd one handshake(because I wasn't allowed a hug although the person claims to like my hugs. Controversial, but not really my problem). It was a sad moment, as it always is. But I'll see them again. I hope.
The train back was suprisingly painless for me. I slept 80% of the time, only out of exchaustion as I can't sleep in trains. My friends were harassed by drunk people, and I'm still a bit bitter for them no waking me up as I tend to be big and scary for people who don't know me. But in the end everything was fine and we were home safe and sound. Only that I had the English listening comprehension matriculation exam at 0800 on monday morning(I was in rovaniemi at 0730). But it went okay.
I think I've rambled on about now for too long. I have the English Matriculation proper at 0900 today, so I better go catch some sleep, or try at least.
'Til next con.
sunnuntai 16. syyskuuta 2012
sunnuntai 5. elokuuta 2012
Where did all that time go?
Seems like I promised to report back in three days. Turns out I forgot/was too lazy to do it in three weeks. Partial perpetrator is the foul mood and general antisociality I have been experiencing.
Also turns out that Animecon was less fun than I had remembered. Or this year's edition was faulty in some way. I reckon it has something to do with me keeping a lecture/panel in there. It went fne, thank you. I actually ha an audience with interest in the subject.
Train travel has becomen a standard form of transportation for me. No kidding, I'm sure I have more mileage by a train than by a car in a year. Almost more use in total, but car wins with a slight head. Seats were still uncomfortable, I still couldn't sleep and they still didn't let me out no matter how much I cried and banged the windows. This time no-one tried to arrest me, (for I was carrying a realistic prop sword) but I did get the usual weird stares and ogling from the bypassers. I'm confident it's not because of my looks.
Accommodation was as luxurious as a sports hall and a sleeping bag sounds like. I have the habit of not carrying a mattress or pillow of any kind with me for some strange twist of fate. Everytime I still remind myself to pack them. But oh well, we otakus/akibas/insert a social culture here, we make do. The security guards were quite awesome people and I made friends with a couple of them right away. Meeting old friends is always a plus, too. Sleeping without a mattress on hard floor on the other hand isn't, but I fancy myself a trooper. So to say.
The first day at the con went as first days generally do, with te exception of me having my panel first thing in the morning. That also meant that as a part of the staff I got past the 200-meter line (I feel no remorse toward my fellow coexisters in any way) to make it in time. Not that I would have waited in the line if I weren't in a hurry.
Other highlights of the day were sitting about, sweating, meeting old friends, talking about propmaking, meeting Benzaie and acquiring an autograph, sweating, small amount of time taking photos, and sitting. Fairly regular conday, but uneventfullier. I'm pretty sure that's not a word.
The party in the evening was as most of them are for a person like me who doesn't like partying; loud and sweaty. I ended up sitting/standing and talking with people in the yard most of the evening. At some point the group included a handful of people I knew from before and a couple new faces, one of which was this compact(was about to say tiny, my apologies) girl/woman, who propably was alot older than me and a lesbian who forcifully dragged me to the dancefloor and proceeded to perform an action where two persons hold eachothers' hands and wave around to loud music in poor lighting conditions. I believe it's called dancing. Attending to this cultist act was forced on my part, and I didn't find too much if any enjoyment in it. I appreciate the gesture though, but I dislike people trying to pop my bubble in which I consider myself antisocial and repulsive. It was a good try though, I give you that. At this point of the day I remembered that I hadn't remembered to eat.
I believe I covered sleeping already, but in short the floor was still hard. Cold showers too.
Most of the second day I spent, *drumroll* sitting and sweating, what a shocker. For a moment a security guard from the last night joined me, (no longer in duty though) to elaborately explain to me how her costume of a lab coat, corset, a 21cm(important to tell) leather miniskirt, boots, suspicious liquid bottles and a whip(?) was consisted of stuff she had lying around. I'm not sure but this might have been the act comonly referred as "hitting on someone". There was no physical hitting involved. This is all very new to me.
Apart from that slight misadventure with the opposing sex, my sitting went quite peacefully.
Apart from sitting my day consisted of sitting somewhere else and following a bunch of semi-known people carrying/holding a bag who's name was Oliver. I followed this bunch of people to a local McDonalds to watch them eat and miss the one event during the con I had planned to attend. Welp, my bad. Good company compensated the loss though. Also at this point I recalled the day before and the fact that I still hadn't eaten, and planned to buy something to bite on the returning trip.
The worst thing about cons is the fact that you know that they will eventually come to an end, and the thought loomed over my mind during the entire con. And when the moment to leave and say goodbye eventually came it wasn't as bad as it usually has been. Sure I felt bad for having to leave, but events folloing the con might fool my memory. I ended up saying goodbye three separate times to the same bunch of people, but I guess that's someone's way of reminding me that living this far away from people sucks most of the time. I did remember to pick up something to eat this time though, and managed to pay back a lollipo to a friend with a chocolate bar. There is an intricate backstory involved and it contains swiss black leather. (Does not contain dungeons or BDSM, neither dragons. It was pretty much a geek thing)
The way back was pretty straightforward apart from me managing to drop my cellphone while unloading myself from the vehicle we were riding while stopping to refuel. Luckily I started missing it soon after we parted from the said gasoline depot. More luckily smeone had found it and waited for the time it took for us to turn around and retrieve it. That or someone thinks my union with this undyind piece of plastic is still too young to break. The rest of the journey I slept or readed with no remarkable success in either.
We departed around 2000, and I arrived at home somewhere between 0200 and 0300, and after reliving myself from all the bags I was carrying, instead of doing the smart thing and operate the machine called bed I operated the machine called computer and unloaded the photos I took, little in number. only about an hour after the fatigue took the best of me and I slept.
The following weeks were not nice to me neither in body or spirit. It was terribly hot and bright and there was endless amounts of grass to kill, and it nearly took the best of me(I suffered a heatstroke three times in two weeks cutting that green vermin). After returning home those days I realized that eve at home I was still surrounded. The grass has a friend called floor, and it likes to camoflage itself under various forms of clutter left from my adventures in Animecon. Needless to say that clutter hadd to be removed before I felt safe to turn my back to the floor again.
The spirit part I'll keep to myself, but matters with it were dreadful too. At this point I regretted not buying a chocolae bar for myself too.
And now it's only approximately 48 hours before I need to return to develop my tolerance of stupid people. It might be a good thing partially though, I'm pretty sure walls aren't supposed to have conversation with people.
But then again, I'll be speaking about propmaking, being awake for a weekend, not eating sufficiently and meeting friends after a month again.
Also turns out that Animecon was less fun than I had remembered. Or this year's edition was faulty in some way. I reckon it has something to do with me keeping a lecture/panel in there. It went fne, thank you. I actually ha an audience with interest in the subject.
Train travel has becomen a standard form of transportation for me. No kidding, I'm sure I have more mileage by a train than by a car in a year. Almost more use in total, but car wins with a slight head. Seats were still uncomfortable, I still couldn't sleep and they still didn't let me out no matter how much I cried and banged the windows. This time no-one tried to arrest me, (for I was carrying a realistic prop sword) but I did get the usual weird stares and ogling from the bypassers. I'm confident it's not because of my looks.
Accommodation was as luxurious as a sports hall and a sleeping bag sounds like. I have the habit of not carrying a mattress or pillow of any kind with me for some strange twist of fate. Everytime I still remind myself to pack them. But oh well, we otakus/akibas/insert a social culture here, we make do. The security guards were quite awesome people and I made friends with a couple of them right away. Meeting old friends is always a plus, too. Sleeping without a mattress on hard floor on the other hand isn't, but I fancy myself a trooper. So to say.
The first day at the con went as first days generally do, with te exception of me having my panel first thing in the morning. That also meant that as a part of the staff I got past the 200-meter line (I feel no remorse toward my fellow coexisters in any way) to make it in time. Not that I would have waited in the line if I weren't in a hurry.
Other highlights of the day were sitting about, sweating, meeting old friends, talking about propmaking, meeting Benzaie and acquiring an autograph, sweating, small amount of time taking photos, and sitting. Fairly regular conday, but uneventfullier. I'm pretty sure that's not a word.
The party in the evening was as most of them are for a person like me who doesn't like partying; loud and sweaty. I ended up sitting/standing and talking with people in the yard most of the evening. At some point the group included a handful of people I knew from before and a couple new faces, one of which was this compact(was about to say tiny, my apologies) girl/woman, who propably was alot older than me and a lesbian who forcifully dragged me to the dancefloor and proceeded to perform an action where two persons hold eachothers' hands and wave around to loud music in poor lighting conditions. I believe it's called dancing. Attending to this cultist act was forced on my part, and I didn't find too much if any enjoyment in it. I appreciate the gesture though, but I dislike people trying to pop my bubble in which I consider myself antisocial and repulsive. It was a good try though, I give you that. At this point of the day I remembered that I hadn't remembered to eat.
I believe I covered sleeping already, but in short the floor was still hard. Cold showers too.
Most of the second day I spent, *drumroll* sitting and sweating, what a shocker. For a moment a security guard from the last night joined me, (no longer in duty though) to elaborately explain to me how her costume of a lab coat, corset, a 21cm(important to tell) leather miniskirt, boots, suspicious liquid bottles and a whip(?) was consisted of stuff she had lying around. I'm not sure but this might have been the act comonly referred as "hitting on someone". There was no physical hitting involved. This is all very new to me.
Apart from that slight misadventure with the opposing sex, my sitting went quite peacefully.
Apart from sitting my day consisted of sitting somewhere else and following a bunch of semi-known people carrying/holding a bag who's name was Oliver. I followed this bunch of people to a local McDonalds to watch them eat and miss the one event during the con I had planned to attend. Welp, my bad. Good company compensated the loss though. Also at this point I recalled the day before and the fact that I still hadn't eaten, and planned to buy something to bite on the returning trip.
The worst thing about cons is the fact that you know that they will eventually come to an end, and the thought loomed over my mind during the entire con. And when the moment to leave and say goodbye eventually came it wasn't as bad as it usually has been. Sure I felt bad for having to leave, but events folloing the con might fool my memory. I ended up saying goodbye three separate times to the same bunch of people, but I guess that's someone's way of reminding me that living this far away from people sucks most of the time. I did remember to pick up something to eat this time though, and managed to pay back a lollipo to a friend with a chocolate bar. There is an intricate backstory involved and it contains swiss black leather. (Does not contain dungeons or BDSM, neither dragons. It was pretty much a geek thing)
The way back was pretty straightforward apart from me managing to drop my cellphone while unloading myself from the vehicle we were riding while stopping to refuel. Luckily I started missing it soon after we parted from the said gasoline depot. More luckily smeone had found it and waited for the time it took for us to turn around and retrieve it. That or someone thinks my union with this undyind piece of plastic is still too young to break. The rest of the journey I slept or readed with no remarkable success in either.
We departed around 2000, and I arrived at home somewhere between 0200 and 0300, and after reliving myself from all the bags I was carrying, instead of doing the smart thing and operate the machine called bed I operated the machine called computer and unloaded the photos I took, little in number. only about an hour after the fatigue took the best of me and I slept.
The following weeks were not nice to me neither in body or spirit. It was terribly hot and bright and there was endless amounts of grass to kill, and it nearly took the best of me(I suffered a heatstroke three times in two weeks cutting that green vermin). After returning home those days I realized that eve at home I was still surrounded. The grass has a friend called floor, and it likes to camoflage itself under various forms of clutter left from my adventures in Animecon. Needless to say that clutter hadd to be removed before I felt safe to turn my back to the floor again.
The spirit part I'll keep to myself, but matters with it were dreadful too. At this point I regretted not buying a chocolae bar for myself too.
And now it's only approximately 48 hours before I need to return to develop my tolerance of stupid people. It might be a good thing partially though, I'm pretty sure walls aren't supposed to have conversation with people.
But then again, I'll be speaking about propmaking, being awake for a weekend, not eating sufficiently and meeting friends after a month again.
torstai 12. heinäkuuta 2012
The call of Animecon
Tomorrow it's time again to hit the road. Gods, it's been too long. And I should be sleeping already, as I need to wake up early. Also I should be packed by now already, but guess am I. Luckily that's a short ordeal.
Expect a conreport in three days. Signing off.
Expect a conreport in three days. Signing off.
torstai 21. kesäkuuta 2012
I opened a propblog
My propbuilding will be updated to http://propforge.blogspot.fi/ in the times to come. Feel free to drop in for a look or follow my doings.
_Atlas
_Atlas
perjantai 15. kesäkuuta 2012
The time is up.
The two years that I once promised to wait have gone by. Actually on the 7th already. But it's done, and I did it, regardless everyone told me that I couldn't or shouldn't. Pointless it was as fuck, but I still did pull through, even if there was nothing at all waiting for me on the other side, sans hate and loathing that I got on the way too.
Those were the best six months of my life, two years ago. It felt like I had a purpose, a place in life, with someone. But eventually it ended, like first loves do. That's the trick with them, they never last. And then I was again what I had always been; a pawn in the wrong box.
I'm pretty sure why things went like they did. I had two years to think of it. It makes sense, to me, at least, and I think that's enough. I'm not sure did I learn more of myself during the relationship or the times after, but I did learn alot. Of myself, but more about people around me. The experience made me more observant of how people behave. That's the way I've always liked things: watching from the outside. I just feel more comfortable on the edges rather than the middle of places and people.
I thought that there'd be something grand after all this time though; like a burden would be taken off my shoulders, a feeling of accomplishment of some sort. But I don't feel any different, I don't know where to head from here. It's easier to continue with a certain objective.
But like some wise man said: When in doubt, advance/add lard/C4/do something/tell the truth/wear red/do it/don't/exchange/go for the dick joke/sing loud/take more time/go public/throw it out/use brute force/remain silent/make a fool of yourself. There's a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.
So at least I have a choice this time around.
Those were the best six months of my life, two years ago. It felt like I had a purpose, a place in life, with someone. But eventually it ended, like first loves do. That's the trick with them, they never last. And then I was again what I had always been; a pawn in the wrong box.
I'm pretty sure why things went like they did. I had two years to think of it. It makes sense, to me, at least, and I think that's enough. I'm not sure did I learn more of myself during the relationship or the times after, but I did learn alot. Of myself, but more about people around me. The experience made me more observant of how people behave. That's the way I've always liked things: watching from the outside. I just feel more comfortable on the edges rather than the middle of places and people.
I thought that there'd be something grand after all this time though; like a burden would be taken off my shoulders, a feeling of accomplishment of some sort. But I don't feel any different, I don't know where to head from here. It's easier to continue with a certain objective.
But like some wise man said: When in doubt, advance/add lard/C4/do something/tell the truth/wear red/do it/don't/exchange/go for the dick joke/sing loud/take more time/go public/throw it out/use brute force/remain silent/make a fool of yourself. There's a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.
So at least I have a choice this time around.
keskiviikko 13. kesäkuuta 2012
Prometheus can go fuck himself! (With his fire!)
I....
I.
I didn't want to make this a negative review. I really didn't. I did hear that Prometheus was not as good as expected, but I didn't want to believe them. But about ten minutes into the film I already hated it. Why can't Ridley Scott make good films anymore? I'd really like to list him as my favourite director, but with these recent fuck-ups like Robin Hood and Kingdom of heaven(The director's cut was ok), I really can't do it. Even if my favourite movie of all time (Blade Runner) is his. I just can't.
But knee-deep into the shit. Here we go. (If you prefer the short version, I made a summary at the end. Just scroll down)
I'll... start with the things I liked about this movie. I hear it's somewhat soothing and can rationalize my thoughts. I liked the CGI. I rarely say this, I know, but the CGI was spectacular. Design was also cool(not the script you numbnuts), and props. Nowadays I generally watch movies anyway for the props, ar watch the movie from a propmaker's standpoint. Visually the movie was very pretty. I also liked David's character(the only character in the movie that REALLY had a persona, and even he was a fucking android who was supposed to not have a persona in a sense. Also he liked Lawrence of Arabia. Great flick.)
And that was a short list. Here comes the shit.
The movie opens with a scene in Scotland that makes clear the weird star arrangement thingy that SOMEHOW indicated that people in that star system in a certain planet created us humans. How does one figure that out? No clue whatsoever. Then I went apeshit when a SCIENTIST FOR GODDAMN TESLA'S TITS SAKE proves her theory by saying that she believes so. Here I realized that the movie was going to suck.
The next thing that poked my head(majorly) was the unrealistic composition of things: They are sending a SINGLE ship, crewed by seventeen people, for first contact with an alien race, practically unarmed with no military personnel whatsoever. They even exited the ship the first time completely unarmed because the annoying scientist lady(who is unfortunately also our protagonist, Noomi Rapace) said so. Fucking. Stupid. These people need to die. Luckily they do. (I'm BTW not even oing to bother with spoilers, because I hope no-one of you readers goes to see this film.)
Moving on. The lack of a leader. Or the amount of them. The ship has it's captain(who doesn't lead really anything and just flies the ship as he says himself), the science lady and her mate appointed by the oh-so-crappy-and-obvious-old-person-makeup-and-prosthetics-Mr. Weyland(Guy Pearce). They lead enough to disallow guns and then they kinda don't do it anymore because sex and alien contamination and shit. Then there's the over-aryan blonde woman(hopefully she's a woman, but evidence begs to differ), who really tries to lead this sorry pack of idiots, being one of the two sensible persons in the movie(other being the ship's captain-he just doesn't care). This obviously leads into a conflict or two between the three parties, which is trying to be plot-related but realy is not, and ends up being just annoying.
The next thing(associated with the first really) is this movie's absolute lack of science. Everyone's always just basing everything on assumptions and hunches, and fiddling foreign(plausinbly containign alien contaminants unknown to man) and alien objects bare handed, and the best way of finding out what a thingy does is pushing one's hand into it. Of course it works, and is pretty effective, but also simultaneously puts you and everyone around you into a mortal danger. NO SCIENTIST WORKS THIS WAY. Also the lack of sense, like going venturing an alien structure and allowing two team members to break off and wander off on their own, trying to return to the ship but failing to do so because they get lost although one of the two IS THE GUY WITH THE GORRAM MAP. Which he announced quite clearly few scenes back. (Also the technoviking geologist guy was pretty amusing character, although made of stupid still). Then they are left behind on the structure when the silica storm hits and shit hit's the fan and a hentai tentacle penis appears and throatfucks the other guy and kills the other too. While being stoned because the technoviking smuggled a fucking bong INSIDE HIS SKINTIGHT SUIT like a jackass. Science at work, kids.
Then there's the gorram alien head which they bring on to the ship in a giant zip-lock bag and meddle with it again, bare handed wearing little to no protection. And then they slam A FUCKING ELECTRODE into it's nerve clusters to see if tehy can make it speak and shit. Instead they manage to fucking blow it up. Because that's how scientists work, goddammit! It's the worthies genetic experiment ever and we diddle around with it like ten-year olds! And again the "no contaminants" thing, it should be "no KNOWN contaminants". Enjoy your space-AIDS, idiots. Also the annoing science lady' boyfriend starts acting up, because Daniel the homicidal android poisoned him(Good shot, Dan!) They end up burning him because it's the smart thing to do(Points to the Aryan lady, or Charlize Theron). The Aryan lady also has an escape capsule with a separate life support system and among other things, A FUCKING GRAND PIANO. Because that's fucking important on a science vessel.
Then it comes to light in a medical scan that the sterile science lady(Noomi Rapace) is three-months pregnant after ten hours of having sex with her bf(Who's quite crispy by this point). in such a short time, one would certainly feel a lump that big forming in one's lower stomach. Then, instantly after the realization she suddenly gets extensive pains to the lower stomach, and runs for the automated surgery thingy in the Aryan lady's personal palace of piano&pleasure, only to find out that it's pogrammed to do ONLY MALE SURGERIES. Really questions the Aryan lady's lady parts. But the annoying science lady gets on the machine(who apparently can't tell a man ad a woman apart) by lying to it, and then pumps her legs full of, I presume, painkiller. Then the machine just cuts her open and takes the squid embryo out and staples her back together. The surgery machine apparently hasn't heard of internal bleeding or the doctor's trade at all(I mean, I could do better and more legit surgery than this million-dollar bucket). Then the science lady RIPS HER OWN UMBILICAL CORD LIKE IT'S NOTHING.(Side note; stuck umbilical cord that has to be removed manually is the biggest cause of mothers dying giving childbirth. Because it bleeds like a motherfucker.) I laughed, it was quite silly. (After these events, on high drugs and having propably severe internal bleeding, the annoying science lady, among other things runs and fights evil, ehile she should be slumbering on the medbay floor singing about how rainbows taste good or somesuch. I don't know, never been on drugs, but I know enough about medicine to know that they hve that kind of an effect. (Also the machine has propably never heard of such things like anaesthesia. Or has no idea how it works, because it failed quite well with it)
Then the now-mutated technoviking attacks the ship after they open the ramp and go investigating the grotesque carcass like idiots, and an unnamed character gets killed, and they kill the technoviking mutant by driving over him/it and shooting at it with guns they farted out of fucking nowhere. (Why din't they carry the guns in the first place? I mean they're ONLY making a likely-violent first contact with an alien race, nothing could go wrong!) Also David(the homicidal android) discovered an alien ship with a living Kratos-alien-creature in stasis, and they take the Mr.Weyland(saw it coming), who was suggled aboard by the Aryan lady(Charize Theron) who, in a jawclenching plot element is Mr. Weyland's daughter. Or son, I don't know, to the alien ship to meet his maker. Maker apparently didn't like his ugly prosthetics because he plops David(the homicidal androd)'s hear off and kills Mr. Weyland, or mortally wounded his already dying body. So he kinda killed an already dead man. Then the now-awake and angry Kratos-alien tries to take off and fly the ship to Earth(The ship being loaded with the canister thingys that contained the alien black goo and weird ampulls with the aim to kill everyone. Heroic captain decides to intervene and crashes Prometheus into it's side and crashes them both. Aryan lady removes herself from the ship before the crash via a lifepod(instead of her lifeboat thingy which was also jettisoned. Makes no sense). She ends up flat under the crashing alien ship which also almost ended the annoying science lady(Noomi Rapace), but not quite. She's running out of air and rushes to the lifeboat that crashed nearby, to make a reminiscent to the original Alien movie's ending scene aboard the escape craft Narcissus. The squid embryo has while all this shit happened growed into a Cthulhu, and tries to throatfuck the annoying science lady, and then David(the homicidal android)(or his head) contacts the science lady, and tells that he's coming for her, and boom, Kratos out of fucking nowhere. Sciecne lady cunningly releases Cthulhu on him and runs like a sissygirl. Kratos is throtfucked and eventually gives birth via his chest to a weird prototype of the original alien(not big surprise).
While this shit goes on, the science lady retrieves David(the homicidal android) who claims to know how to pilot an alien ship off the rock, and they have this stupd conversation about god an creator, that could have been VERY deep, and COULD have saved the movie if it was made a bigger part of the plot,but instead the idiot of a science lady just shrugs it off with a "I believe in what I choose to believe", which makes no sense in a situation where the origin of humankind was proved to be something else than god. They fly off to have revenge and THANK GOD the credits roll.
WHAT WENT WRONG:
-Action movie instead of a Sci-Fi horror like the origina flicks.
-Baaaaaaaaaaad acting performances besides David(the homicidal android)
-Stupid plot
-stupid characters
-Setting mishaps
-Lack of science(beyond movie allowances of suspension of disbelief)
-No message delivered although message delivery intended
WHAT WENT RIGHT:
-Pretty. Very pretty.
-Good scripting for the android.
There. Don't watch it. I'd show it to people as a demonstration of a badly done and pointless movie but I'm pretty sure it's against the Genova convention.
I.
I didn't want to make this a negative review. I really didn't. I did hear that Prometheus was not as good as expected, but I didn't want to believe them. But about ten minutes into the film I already hated it. Why can't Ridley Scott make good films anymore? I'd really like to list him as my favourite director, but with these recent fuck-ups like Robin Hood and Kingdom of heaven(The director's cut was ok), I really can't do it. Even if my favourite movie of all time (Blade Runner) is his. I just can't.
But knee-deep into the shit. Here we go. (If you prefer the short version, I made a summary at the end. Just scroll down)
I'll... start with the things I liked about this movie. I hear it's somewhat soothing and can rationalize my thoughts. I liked the CGI. I rarely say this, I know, but the CGI was spectacular. Design was also cool(not the script you numbnuts), and props. Nowadays I generally watch movies anyway for the props, ar watch the movie from a propmaker's standpoint. Visually the movie was very pretty. I also liked David's character(the only character in the movie that REALLY had a persona, and even he was a fucking android who was supposed to not have a persona in a sense. Also he liked Lawrence of Arabia. Great flick.)
And that was a short list. Here comes the shit.
The movie opens with a scene in Scotland that makes clear the weird star arrangement thingy that SOMEHOW indicated that people in that star system in a certain planet created us humans. How does one figure that out? No clue whatsoever. Then I went apeshit when a SCIENTIST FOR GODDAMN TESLA'S TITS SAKE proves her theory by saying that she believes so. Here I realized that the movie was going to suck.
The next thing that poked my head(majorly) was the unrealistic composition of things: They are sending a SINGLE ship, crewed by seventeen people, for first contact with an alien race, practically unarmed with no military personnel whatsoever. They even exited the ship the first time completely unarmed because the annoying scientist lady(who is unfortunately also our protagonist, Noomi Rapace) said so. Fucking. Stupid. These people need to die. Luckily they do. (I'm BTW not even oing to bother with spoilers, because I hope no-one of you readers goes to see this film.)
Moving on. The lack of a leader. Or the amount of them. The ship has it's captain(who doesn't lead really anything and just flies the ship as he says himself), the science lady and her mate appointed by the oh-so-crappy-and-obvious-old-person-makeup-and-prosthetics-Mr. Weyland(Guy Pearce). They lead enough to disallow guns and then they kinda don't do it anymore because sex and alien contamination and shit. Then there's the over-aryan blonde woman(hopefully she's a woman, but evidence begs to differ), who really tries to lead this sorry pack of idiots, being one of the two sensible persons in the movie(other being the ship's captain-he just doesn't care). This obviously leads into a conflict or two between the three parties, which is trying to be plot-related but realy is not, and ends up being just annoying.
The next thing(associated with the first really) is this movie's absolute lack of science. Everyone's always just basing everything on assumptions and hunches, and fiddling foreign(plausinbly containign alien contaminants unknown to man) and alien objects bare handed, and the best way of finding out what a thingy does is pushing one's hand into it. Of course it works, and is pretty effective, but also simultaneously puts you and everyone around you into a mortal danger. NO SCIENTIST WORKS THIS WAY. Also the lack of sense, like going venturing an alien structure and allowing two team members to break off and wander off on their own, trying to return to the ship but failing to do so because they get lost although one of the two IS THE GUY WITH THE GORRAM MAP. Which he announced quite clearly few scenes back. (Also the technoviking geologist guy was pretty amusing character, although made of stupid still). Then they are left behind on the structure when the silica storm hits and shit hit's the fan and a hentai tentacle penis appears and throatfucks the other guy and kills the other too. While being stoned because the technoviking smuggled a fucking bong INSIDE HIS SKINTIGHT SUIT like a jackass. Science at work, kids.
Then there's the gorram alien head which they bring on to the ship in a giant zip-lock bag and meddle with it again, bare handed wearing little to no protection. And then they slam A FUCKING ELECTRODE into it's nerve clusters to see if tehy can make it speak and shit. Instead they manage to fucking blow it up. Because that's how scientists work, goddammit! It's the worthies genetic experiment ever and we diddle around with it like ten-year olds! And again the "no contaminants" thing, it should be "no KNOWN contaminants". Enjoy your space-AIDS, idiots. Also the annoing science lady' boyfriend starts acting up, because Daniel the homicidal android poisoned him(Good shot, Dan!) They end up burning him because it's the smart thing to do(Points to the Aryan lady, or Charlize Theron). The Aryan lady also has an escape capsule with a separate life support system and among other things, A FUCKING GRAND PIANO. Because that's fucking important on a science vessel.
Then it comes to light in a medical scan that the sterile science lady(Noomi Rapace) is three-months pregnant after ten hours of having sex with her bf(Who's quite crispy by this point). in such a short time, one would certainly feel a lump that big forming in one's lower stomach. Then, instantly after the realization she suddenly gets extensive pains to the lower stomach, and runs for the automated surgery thingy in the Aryan lady's personal palace of piano&pleasure, only to find out that it's pogrammed to do ONLY MALE SURGERIES. Really questions the Aryan lady's lady parts. But the annoying science lady gets on the machine(who apparently can't tell a man ad a woman apart) by lying to it, and then pumps her legs full of, I presume, painkiller. Then the machine just cuts her open and takes the squid embryo out and staples her back together. The surgery machine apparently hasn't heard of internal bleeding or the doctor's trade at all(I mean, I could do better and more legit surgery than this million-dollar bucket). Then the science lady RIPS HER OWN UMBILICAL CORD LIKE IT'S NOTHING.(Side note; stuck umbilical cord that has to be removed manually is the biggest cause of mothers dying giving childbirth. Because it bleeds like a motherfucker.) I laughed, it was quite silly. (After these events, on high drugs and having propably severe internal bleeding, the annoying science lady, among other things runs and fights evil, ehile she should be slumbering on the medbay floor singing about how rainbows taste good or somesuch. I don't know, never been on drugs, but I know enough about medicine to know that they hve that kind of an effect. (Also the machine has propably never heard of such things like anaesthesia. Or has no idea how it works, because it failed quite well with it)
Then the now-mutated technoviking attacks the ship after they open the ramp and go investigating the grotesque carcass like idiots, and an unnamed character gets killed, and they kill the technoviking mutant by driving over him/it and shooting at it with guns they farted out of fucking nowhere. (Why din't they carry the guns in the first place? I mean they're ONLY making a likely-violent first contact with an alien race, nothing could go wrong!) Also David(the homicidal android) discovered an alien ship with a living Kratos-alien-creature in stasis, and they take the Mr.Weyland(saw it coming), who was suggled aboard by the Aryan lady(Charize Theron) who, in a jawclenching plot element is Mr. Weyland's daughter. Or son, I don't know, to the alien ship to meet his maker. Maker apparently didn't like his ugly prosthetics because he plops David(the homicidal androd)'s hear off and kills Mr. Weyland, or mortally wounded his already dying body. So he kinda killed an already dead man. Then the now-awake and angry Kratos-alien tries to take off and fly the ship to Earth(The ship being loaded with the canister thingys that contained the alien black goo and weird ampulls with the aim to kill everyone. Heroic captain decides to intervene and crashes Prometheus into it's side and crashes them both. Aryan lady removes herself from the ship before the crash via a lifepod(instead of her lifeboat thingy which was also jettisoned. Makes no sense). She ends up flat under the crashing alien ship which also almost ended the annoying science lady(Noomi Rapace), but not quite. She's running out of air and rushes to the lifeboat that crashed nearby, to make a reminiscent to the original Alien movie's ending scene aboard the escape craft Narcissus. The squid embryo has while all this shit happened growed into a Cthulhu, and tries to throatfuck the annoying science lady, and then David(the homicidal android)(or his head) contacts the science lady, and tells that he's coming for her, and boom, Kratos out of fucking nowhere. Sciecne lady cunningly releases Cthulhu on him and runs like a sissygirl. Kratos is throtfucked and eventually gives birth via his chest to a weird prototype of the original alien(not big surprise).
While this shit goes on, the science lady retrieves David(the homicidal android) who claims to know how to pilot an alien ship off the rock, and they have this stupd conversation about god an creator, that could have been VERY deep, and COULD have saved the movie if it was made a bigger part of the plot,but instead the idiot of a science lady just shrugs it off with a "I believe in what I choose to believe", which makes no sense in a situation where the origin of humankind was proved to be something else than god. They fly off to have revenge and THANK GOD the credits roll.
WHAT WENT WRONG:
-Action movie instead of a Sci-Fi horror like the origina flicks.
-Baaaaaaaaaaad acting performances besides David(the homicidal android)
-Stupid plot
-stupid characters
-Setting mishaps
-Lack of science(beyond movie allowances of suspension of disbelief)
-No message delivered although message delivery intended
WHAT WENT RIGHT:
-Pretty. Very pretty.
-Good scripting for the android.
There. Don't watch it. I'd show it to people as a demonstration of a badly done and pointless movie but I'm pretty sure it's against the Genova convention.
lauantai 2. kesäkuuta 2012
I am not a party person.
As many of you know, today was the graduation day for many of us. Unfortunately that means they are going to throw parties and invite their close ones to celebrate. Most of us think that parties are nice. I don't. Mostly because I'm not that good a people person, but also I am just terrible at small talk, because most if not all of my interests are either disgusting or socially unaccepted. So I mostly just sit idly at parties, doing nothing, and maybe, MAYBE talk about something with someone who might have similar interests with me, and even that mostly ends in someone telling me that I did something wron or said something wrong or I was insultive or somesuch. All in all, most parties just leave me depressed and/or angry. Worst though is if I am having a party(that is, someone forces me to have a party). I hate being the center of things most of the time. Especially when I don't want to or I am forced to. Although human is, by it's nature, a pack animal, at heart I prefer being on my own, or in a small group.
That said, this time of the year is somewhat painful for a person like me.
That said, this time of the year is somewhat painful for a person like me.
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