Ow.

*Sigh*
If I still had the strenght to cry I would. If I weren't an absolutist I'd be drunk.
 I am a fool. Fool Who gets too attached to things. This happened the last time I was in love, it happened now, and, most likely, would happen if I were to fall in love once more.

But no.

I don't want this, not all over again. No.
Now I remember the times when I was completely rational. Those were great, though lonely times.
I still love you, no matter what, but I won't take a chance to lose you all over again.

Whoa.

Everyone dreams. But not equally.
Those who dream by night, in the dark recesses of their minds,
fear the day when theycome to know, that it was vanity.
But the dreamers of the day are dangerous people.
For they can act their dream in front of their eyes, to make it possible.
This, I did.

But what does all this mean?
Be careful what you wish for. It might jsut come true.
(with me it did not)

Okay, can't be good.

Muscles in my body around my heart and chest are spasming uncontrollably. This is extremely unpleasant. Hopefully not dangerous(might be).

*Vomit*

Okay, diesel engine doesn't run with gasoline, neither is apple juice ever going to replace Mountain Dew for me.

Do I look like a masochist? Don't answer that.

This was a very exchausting day. Firstly it was school from 0800-1500, then I stayed at school with Valtteri, Juho and sis(For no reasonable reason, of that matter). After that, we ventured to my place, wok'd food and were generally geeky. Then we went to Valtteri's place with original idea of just going to get the car and get my sis home, buut we got kinda delayed.
 After a while we finally got ourselves moving and sis got home, by this point it was about 2100. Then I and Valtteri went to Valtteri's place, because I hadn't seen the Dragonlance animation film. While it loaded, I watched an episode of The Big Bang theory and two episodes of House.
 By then, the Dragonlance had loaded and we watched it. I hope I wouldn't have done that. It. Was. Bad. Really bad. Only the fact that Kiether Sutherland(Jack Bauer, for you not civilized) was the voice of Raistlin got me giggling. And I can just wonder the hours the animators spent on animating the female character's tits bobbling up and down.

Then I got home.

I wasn't prepared for this level of stupidness.

In other words, like it comes as some kind of a surprise, I am bored. Mostly. A few days I have been joying myself by being a complete asshole to some people, which has been, rahter surprisingly, enjoyable. Well, it's their own fault, they made me mad! And payed! And will pay in future!
 *sighs*, I still am bored most of the time, bored and tired (would that be tored?)

The Witcher 2 has intrigued me for two days now, and I am looking very forwards to leading an adventure in those premises. Well, saturday. Not that far away.

Also, I have been very confused about few matters, which make no sense at all. I could dwell more into this, but I'd rather have her tell it to me of her own incentive.
Correction, VERY confusing.

Okay, this day went well

Wasn't as utterly bored as I was yesterday. HeroQuest went fine, though the adventure was a bit too short, and Mikko's character litarally went through the dungeon IN ONE TURN. That...was amazing. Buut next adventure will be fucking long, you had this coming!
 After HQ it was Spoony and Let's play SWAT4. Hi-larious. Absolutely priceless.
Apparently I should have an english text for tomorrow, it's booked in my calendar, but I can't find any instructions for it. I haven't got any notes of it, no papers, no word limits, nothing. Gúess I'll have to ask for a day more of time because of lack of data on the subject.

All in all, pretty good day. Tomorrow I'll have school from 0800 through 1700. Sometimes being an art studen really sucks.

I'd kill all but one of you for a bottle of dew.

Oh how much I hate being idle. There's just nothing for me to do! I. Am. Bored!
Dah, ranting about it here will not do me any good. But at least I have something to write for a while.
 HeroQuest again tomorrow, this time with full cast. Nothing new here.
 Van came over yesterday, as she almost every friday comes (not complaining though-she's great company), so nothing new here either. Had a sore throat. Unfortunate. Got over it though, I'm never sick for long.
Ah, hopefully the next time I really have something to write about.
Nothing ever happens to me.

Mental forecast: snarky bitchnig, self pity and a little thunder.

Mom made me angry to day. Like, really angry. I threw a joke in the air and she started bitching with me aobut it, and spoke of a thing I definitely didn't want to hear, and wouldn't just shut up- even though I told her to for at least eight times.

 Otherwise everything has been pretty cool, school's ok(I still haven't understood even a half of the things went through in maths, but I'm getting to it), except I have Frigging long days. Monday I have 0800-1700, Tue 0900-1500+ artschool (3½h), and wednesday is  from 0900 to 1700. SO I have two evenings in the week not counting weekends to actually do something. It's kinda shitty, but hey, the four-code terms on the third year sound really cool =)

 Went to raid fleamarkets with Van today. Unfortunately I only got time to check the first one. Gotta go check the other tomorrow or next week. Bought myself a shoulder holster, not like I'll do anything with it, but hey, it was cheap. And I like collecting stuff, I love STUFF!

I hid it.

Two sketchbooks, two diaries, two drawings, perfume, elastic band and seven letters.
Sealed off in a box for an indetermined time period.
Even it. It is safe. I didn't break my promise.
I'm not sure do I want to forget, or remember. I don't even know which one I am trying to achieve.
It hurts, yes. But I don't know does it hurt more to have them near me than away from me.
It's a first step, but into what?

SLIGHTLY calmer

Okay, HeroQuest was fun, it's been too long since last playtime. After that we palyed SoulCalibur II (I mostly wiped the stage with other's asses) and then Metal Gear Solid 2's extras. '

Feeling somewhat better. I don't know will I ever be completely healed of this mental trauma. Partially I feel like I've been set free, partially I feel like I'm locked up even tighter. Well, school starts again tomorrow, so hopefully I'll have alot less time to think about things. Hopefully.

heartrate around 120/min

Yeah, not the calmest mood right now.
A very close friend got hurt, luckily seemingfully not too baldy.
I. Am. In. A. Kill. Mood.
And angry to myself for not being capable to protect those I love.

Well look at that, I have almost fixed my sleep rythm.

Holidays end soon, only a weekend left. Can't tell if it's a bad thing, I wouldn't want to get back to studying right now, but in school I'd have at least some social activity, and I'll have less time to think about things, which might help with my sanity a little right now.
 Hopefully we'll start playing HeroQuest weekly again, it's at least somewhat fun, depending on people's moods. Oh, and artschool's spring term begins also. Awesome.
 In calendar there is Kitacon, Rovaniemi's comic day and Bakacon before summer. Needless to say, all planned costumes are technically not even started yet.
 Now that I started watching out of the window, silent friday morning...
Quiet, calm, peaceful.....Isn't it hateful?

Something ends, something begins...

I don't know was this a smart choice to start blogging, or does it have any other kinds of values. I hope to make some sense of myself and my doings with this. I don't know if I wll I ever achieve anything.
 Many things have been going on lately. Most of which I am not sure are they going to a good or a bad direction. I hope I'll find out, sooner or later.