77...

...of hours being awake. Well, minus the occasional minute or two that i dozed before a security guard stabbed me back to conscience.

That said, Tracon VI is gone by. And have to say, propably the best con this season. I has lots and lots of fun and met old friends and made almsot ridiculous amount of new ones. The few lectures I attended were intereting, although the tire got the best of me once in a while, and missed portions.
 As usual I didn't go to see the cosplay competition, since the photos will be in the internets anyways. I took surprisingly small amount of photos (only 109; gasp!), as I usually take around 300-500pics/con.
 LARPING IS FUN! Something I had forgotten, unfortunately. But yeah, the larp was fun, met lots of nice people there =D

People I'd like to thank for this weekend:
-Jani: Thanks again for being a great, great friend! Hanging around  with you makes anything fun =)
-Aaro: As above, so below! Thanks for organizing people to take care of my&other con-goers' stuff =) Don't play too much Witcher, although a good game it is, leave time for your gf too, she's a great person.
-Juha&Linda: For company on train trips, for being good friends and for convincing me to buy the Firefly DVD box!
-Janne: For ABSURDLY AWESOME lectures and tolerating my stupidity =)
-Chris: First time in a long while I argued properely with someone, thank you truly for that. Also thanks for triggering self-searching in me, I needed that.
-All the people whose names I can't remember, people who let me take a picture of them, whom I chatted with, and the people organizing the larp.

Greatest thanks goes to Pinja for listening to me and cheering me up when I was tired and down, you saved my weekend=)

About friends who clearly are not OK.

I have this habit of taking care of my friends. It has evolved over a stretch of time, and I seem to be gifted with it, as everyone who have allowed me to help have left with a weight lifted off them. Or whatever they feel.

 Yeah, some people that I have encountered have also considered the offer of help an insult. I don't know why, maybe they are just too damn proud or consider their matters their own or too grave for me to tend to (as a notifier: I'm no stranger to dragging people off bridges the long way, nor confiscating someone's sharp things). Or those people might not like me at all, hell if I know.
 I admit: it has became a habit. When someone I care of is troubled in any way, I find my self neck and neck responsible for it(some times I am), and feel a duty of helping to sort it through. I have encountered more than my share of suicides and suicidal people, and I know that no matter how strong person you are, nor how silly the matter is, the threshold is VERY shallow. I take precautions on even the smallest things.

 Helping people with problems is like defusing a bomb: even if it isn't a real threat or armed, it still has to be treated as one. I know that most people are pretty hair-triggered about other people meddling with their matters, and know that in the other end of the scale is the possibility of eternal(or otherwise pretty darn long) hatred towards me.
 Also a thing in common with bombs is the fact that things most likely are complicated: settling one matter might make things worse, too. Things tend to be chained, and one wrong word can lead into hours, days, or even months long shitstorms.

I hope you people can understand with feelings other than cynicizm and sarcasm that when I offer help, I really, REALLY just want to help, and sincerely do care for you. It really hurts me when someone jsut rudely shoves my offer aside, or even worse gets angry because of it. I know some of you feel like I'm pushing it, and I might be, but please even try to understand.

 I have been repeatedly informed that I don't have a heart, but even if I don't seem like it or show it, yes, I am a relatively human being, and I have feelings too. When I meantion it, my concern is real, and some of you people that have to endure me are truly dear to me. I wish you can understand it, or even try to do so.

RAGE INCOMING

Do you know what fucks me up totally?
Do you?

THAT EVERY SINGLE FUCKING PERSON WHO WALKS PAST WHILE I PLAY WITCHER 2 COMMENTS SOMETHING LIKE "Lol, two frames per second, stop playing, not worth it get a better computer lol" IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO UNDERSTAND THAT SOME PEOPLE DO NOT PLAY GAMES BECAUSE THEY LOOK GOOD, I PLAY GAMES BECAUSE I ENJOY THE STORY. THAT IS WHY I DO NOT ENJOY GAMES LIKE FINAL FANTASY OR KINGDOM HEARTS BECAUSE OF THE EXCESSIVE GRINDING THAT IS REQUIRED. GODDAMN ELITISTS GO AND DROWN IN YOUR OWN SHIT.

*phew*

I swear, to gods that if a SINGLE person does that again, I'm going to lacerate him/her beyond recognition and feed to his/her parents.

Yes, I might be losing my mind, who knows?

Sometimes I really wish I was born a girl. No, not because males are idiots, although that too, but because most (86,4%) of my friends are female. I can't be an equal part of the grup with them, I can't speak with them like they speak with eachother, not because I wouldn't understand them, far from it, it's because I am male. I can't hang out together with them like girls hang out together, because people instantly think that we would be dating or that I am dating someone of the group. This really pisses me off, and sometimes I truly do think of walking out of that group just because I know that if I did, both parties would fare better, and the discrimination and gossiping would end.

I hate you, modern world. I hate gender discrimination, I hate th norms between genders and I hate norms in male-female friendships. I hate people who make conclusions without any ase to their thoughts and I HATE THE FACT THAT I CAN NEVER BE CONSIDERED AN EQUAL PART OF THE GROUP.

Bakacon's gone

...four days ago actually. Just haven't got the strenght nor the will to write anything up before this. Been _very_ tired after the weekend. But still, I'd want to go back...

Enough mourning. Props are in terrible shape, been fixing them and my bag is still packed.
The next day I got home, I finished editing the vlogs I promised in FB, and now they're all uploaded on my Youtube channel ( http://www.youtube.com/user/Legion101st?feature=mhee ).
Please do forgive the crappy angles, I didn't have a stand or a tripod of any kind with me.

Well, this(the last regular week of school) week's been painful. I've been constantly tired. As the contrip somewhat recharged my mental battery, it depleted my physical battery. The first time I feel like I'm going to need the oncoming holiday.

Animecon's coming, five weeks to go and I haven't got any of the cosplay's even started and

I think that's enough.

I feel like the only one of my friends who updates regularly...

SO.
Bakacon next weekend. Little thrilled, since my cos is about half way through. BUT I'LL FUCKING DO IT.

Nothing much happening. Life being, as usual, boring. Springs seems like the time when nothing ever happens to anyone. Goddamnit, it's already May! It'll be summer soon! And even brighter and hotter! Fuck!

..And with summer ends the first year of highschool. It has been, surprisingly, quite enjoyable. At first I thought that studying would be as pain in the ass as it was back in junior high, but when comparing to junior high.....Man that was PAIN.

Enough ranting. Bottomline: Bored with a hint of stress and deadlines.

So, some of you must wonder how I spent the May Day?

...Like I have followers who'd truly be interested.
Most of the time I was home, and made the cos for Bakacon, which I should do more, because I have a deadline of 12 days from today.
 On sunday(that is[was] today) I went to the town with a handful of friends, all clad in organization XIII coats. Curiously enough, everyone who ever questioned us of what we were doing thought that we were PR'ing some political party O___o. And an old man questioned me why the youth nowadays wear hoods. Couldn't find other reasonable answer than "Trial to look good" with such short notice.

 Well, that was my May Day. Sounds boring? At least I wasn't drunk and wondering that did that one guy rape me or not, so fuck you. FYI, I had a blast. So does that make me boring? No, my life just is, and you need a hell of a lot more than just one holiday to impress me, so save your moralities.

Another thing, no, I am not angry.

Fuck.

Love feels bad. It hurts.

Well now it's getting exiting.

Now I am not sure is everyone else boring or am I pathetic. Regularly my psyche is so overconfident that I wouldn't wonder about things like this. Interesting, yes.
 Back to business, people are so boring and negative of every single surreal idea and can't understand a joke. On the other hand my jokes are extremely bad because I am tired because I couldn't sleep last night. And why I couldn't sleep last night. Well if I'll say that I was crying my loneliness and placelessness in this world you wouldn't believe me because you think I'd be sarcastic about it, but now that I said it out loud you aren't so sure am I kidding or not. Fuck yeah, crypticism. Or is it even cryptic? Is it cryptic only because it isn't cryptic but it was written so that it sounds like it is cryptic? Yeah well my jokes aren't really even that good normally.

I'm not making any sense again.

I shall not fall again

No. I won't. No matter how hard you try, no matter how much I'd like to. No. You'll just reject me. Just turn away. Is that what you want or what I want? I SHALL NOT FIND OUT.

Even if you'd come to find me from the depths of the dreamlands, I won't. I think of you, yes. Every day. Every single day I think what would have happened if I didn't give it back to you. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY. Hopeless. Lonely. Distant. Even from myself.
That choice destroyed my life and all I valued. Even you, partially.

That part of me is dead. Gone. Why can't I even accept that myself?

Reviev of the movie I am number four

Well, I went to the movies tonight and watched the movie I am number four. And man it was made of stupid.

Okay, I am totally going to spoil the movie here, so if you are pallning to watch it, read no further. On second thought, read further, you may save some money.

In the beginning, nothin is explained. Stuff just happens for no reason. Who are the guys who look like Voldemorts? What's the deal with the necklace? Why is the boy hunted? Why is there that blue glowing glob on the pommel of the knife? And know what, none of this is ever really explained. Except the Voldemorts, which seemingfully are Monrovians or something (this is the point where I bursted in laughter in the theater)
Ok, so the aliens are Mogarodians(Chuckle) Who, as said are bald aliens who hae sharpened teeth, wear kickass trenchcoats and have gills ON THEIR FACES. Wtf? How high does one need to be to invent something like this?

 Enough sporfling about the Monrovians, we zoom into the life of one John Smith(seriously? That's his name? John Smith? Like if writers just didn't invent a good name for their main character and called him John Smith. And it's even joked about in the movie! ) Well, John Smith is one of the survivors of an alien race that lived on the planet Lorien(Where are these guys from? Middle Earth?) but he is one of the nine "special descendants" who possess weird skills kalled "The Legacy" that makes their palms glow. Yyeah.
 So these nine are numbered from one to nine, and the Mongalords want to kill them(never explained why) in numerological order from one to nine(Again never explained why). Well, our main character John Smith is the number four(Like you couldn't guess that by now). Apparently the designer of these nine is a masochist, because when one of the nine dies, the other nine get a nice crop rings burned to their legs with a nice light effect (WHY?!??).  Legacy grants the user weird powers, as for John Smith gains force push (really, now that's original)

 If it is not clear by now, these aliens are badly developed. Why are they on Earth? What the hell is the purpose of these nine? How did they come to exist? TOO MANY QUESTIONS UNANSWERED!

Okay, John Smith and his childkeeper Henri move to a new town because the light effect was seen and taped by someone and was posted to youtube or something. They move to a new town, they fight a little, Smithy goes to school and just falls in love wth this girl who, for some reason, invites him to her home for dinner. After the dinner they move to the girl's room and JOHN JUST STARTS TO READ HER DIARY. Although she says that it's kinda private, she does nothing to stop him. and then he's openly an ass to the girl and then they fall in love. Well sorry to ruin your moment guys, but LOVE DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
After that Johnny screws around again which results in photos in the internet of him doing the alien thing which results Henri's wish that they move away from the town. Results in a fight where Henri says at first that it's just a  highschool crush and that he should forget it and after two minutes jsut says to him that their race falls in love only once (Well that made sense). And then they stay and stuff happens.

 The town also happens to be the residence of the son of a guy named Malcolm who tried to unite the nine, because they were more powerful together(What was the point to separate them in the first place?)
Yeah, clichés. This movie has them alot.

 And then there's the dog. Dog that was a lizard originally, but then turned to a dog and then suddenly was a fucking chimaira after being a dog for the whole movie. Convenient. Very. And then there are the Mogadishu people's hairless giant flying squirrels(oh yes, really.) This movie is very stupid.

I am not going to speak of the trial of romance in this movie, because it's identical to any other teenage love drama. But it's more stupid because it makes no sense.

And ou know the worst part of it? THEY ENDED IT OPENLY. I swear to god that if this shit is going to get a sequel, I'll watch Twilight again.

Bottomline: This movie was extremely stupid, do not go and watch it. Please. Don't go.

Okay, this day went well

Wasn't as utterly bored as I was yesterday. HeroQuest went fine, though the adventure was a bit too short, and Mikko's character litarally went through the dungeon IN ONE TURN. That...was amazing. Buut next adventure will be fucking long, you had this coming!
 After HQ it was Spoony and Let's play SWAT4. Hi-larious. Absolutely priceless.
Apparently I should have an english text for tomorrow, it's booked in my calendar, but I can't find any instructions for it. I haven't got any notes of it, no papers, no word limits, nothing. Gúess I'll have to ask for a day more of time because of lack of data on the subject.

All in all, pretty good day. Tomorrow I'll have school from 0800 through 1700. Sometimes being an art studen really sucks.